Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
