How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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