She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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