Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
