Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
