she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
