Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
