I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
