So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
