I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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