Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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