my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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