Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
