Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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