dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your penis caused this!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
