remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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