Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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