birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize