i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
