god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
