According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
