so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
