I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
