Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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