it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
