I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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