oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
