i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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