Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
