I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
