just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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