woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
