i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
