I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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