That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
