I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
