Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
