I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
