No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
