I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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