i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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