i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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