Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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