Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
