She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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