Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
