I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
