you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
