Where is the hickey?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize