Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
