she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
