Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
