she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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