Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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