i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
