im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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