Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
