I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
