its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
