Define "chronic" masturbator.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
