you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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