i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
