Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
