i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
