Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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