i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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