I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
