I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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