how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
