Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
